Source: One Mom’s Battle
” The High Conflict Person’s actions are driven by revenge and anger. This person is unable to act in the best interest of their child and is unable to move forward in a healthy direction. They use every opportunity to berate, chastise or make digs at the healthy parent. They undermine the healthy parent by disrupting the child’s sleep schedule, diet and routines. They contradict established rules and withhold information. Ignoring school responsibilities, projects and homework to create chaos for the healthy parent. It’s also using the parenting time schedule as a weapon and, forcing custody schedules that are not in the best interest of the child. The abuser is so focused on hurting and controlling the other parent that their actions directly affect the children.
DV by Proxy: When the unhealthy parent continues to exert control and is intent on tormenting the other parent post-separation by weaponizing the children and using them as pawns, or as “spies.”This person is known to manipulate the children to choose sides, or to feel responsible for the unhealthy parent’s emotions. The unhealthy parent will often accuse the healthy parent of transferring their own anxiety or fears onto the children. Often, it’s the abuser’s own actions and behaviors that is affecting their bond and relationship with the children and, causing the children to feel anxious and afraid. They strategically attempt to turn the children against the healthy parent and if their attempts are unsuccessful, they will often claim enmeshment, alienation or gate keeping. Sadly, their attempts to turn the children against the healthy parent are sometimes successful.